


Garden Talks

by jocelynfray



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 12:44:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9272339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jocelynfray/pseuds/jocelynfray
Summary: Set during "The Guilty Blood", between the first meeting when Victor announces the lockdown and the second when he kicks all of the Downworlders out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'd planned to have this published before episode 2 aired, but that didn't pan out. Special thanks to Gowri (lukegarrowayisamaincharacter on tumblr), for helping me with the time frame of the meetings, and my twin for putting his English major to good use and proofreading it for me.

Jocelyn half-listened to Aldertree's speech, barely registering what he was saying. _'Jonathan's alive, and he's with Valentine, they could be doing anything, Simon's a vampire and how did that even happen?!?'_ she thought, trying to make sense of it all.

As soon as the meeting was over she headed back to greenhouse; hopefully no one would be in there and she could process everything in peace. _'Wait no, I don't want to be alone. Where's Luke?'_ she thought, spinning around and intending to go back to the main hall to find him when she saw him a few steps behind her.

"Hope it's okay that I followed you, wanted to check on you, see how you're doing." He hadn't gotten a chance to really check up on her one on one since she'd woken up, and he was still worried about what had happened to her when she'd been kidnapped by Valentine.

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak, worried she might start crying and she can't break down, not here. Can't let the Shadowhunters see her being weak. She went back to him, grabbing his hand and they walked to the garden together in silence.

She led them over to a bench, letting go of his hand and sinking down on it, staring at her knees. She felt him sit next to her, but didn't have the energy to look at him.

Luke waited in silence, watching her. She was clearly still processing everything, the last thing she needed was him demanding she talk about her time with Valentine just to quell his fears. If it had been up to him? He would have waited longer before dropping the "Jonathan is alive" and "Simon is a vampire" bombshells on her. She'd been awake for an _hour_ , just long enough to change clothes and he hadn't even had a moment alone with her before Clary told her everything. He gets why Clary told her, it's understandable why she didn't think about how dropping all of this on Jocelyn so soon would affect her, it's not her job to think about that but it _is_ his job. And right now Joss is pretty closed off, which is a really bad sign because that means she's directing all of her feelings inward and probably blaming herself for things that aren't her fault.

"I just...I can't believe he's alive." she murmured, finally looking at him. "A-and now he's with Valentine, and who knows what they could be doing right now." She sucked in a breath, looking down and twisting her hands together, tears burning behind her eyes and a knot settling in her stomach.

Luke sighed, reaching out to touch her back but stopping at the last minute; she might not want to be touched right now. "You didn't know what Valentine was doing."

Her head snapped up to look at him. "But I should have! He jammed a fucking _needle_ into me Luke! Multiple times! He injected me with _demon blood_. He injected my _baby_ with demon blood and I should have _known_ -" She broke off with a sob, covering her face with her hands, horrified she'd started crying. _'Stop crying! Stop fucking crying you pathetic piece of shit! Do you want the other Shadowhunters to see how fucking weak you are?!?'_

Luke quickly removed his shoulder holster, placing it underneath their bench before moving to sit crosslegged so he was facing her. "C'mere." He wordlessly offered her a hug, holding his arms out to her.

She looked up from her hands, immediately latching onto him and wrapping her arms around his neck, crying into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her, moving a hand up to gently stroke her hair. He didn't try talking to her or telling her everything would be alright, because he didn't know if it would be and he wasn't going to lie to her.

After what felt like hours she finally stopped crying, but couldn't bring herself to leave Luke's arms yet. It had been _so long_ since she'd been held like this, or felt so safe, and she was starved for it. After a few more minutes, she pulled back, and Luke let go of her (she _loves_ that he always lets go of her). She wiped her eyes with her shirtsleeve, trying to resist the temptation to blow her nose into it before Luke handed her a tissue.

"Here."

She took it, blowing her nose until it wasn't so runny. "Where'd you get the tissue?"

"My pocket-it was clean, don't worry, I just had an extra napkin at lunch and figured I'd save it in case I needed it."

As soon as she registered what he'd said, she couldn't stop the laughter from bubbling up. "Now all you need for your transformation into an old man is those reading glasses with the neck chain."

"Very funny. You should be a comedian." he deadpanned, which only made her laugh harder. He smiled at her laughter, glad his bad humor had done some good. He'd always loved it when she laughed, her face screwed up and she got these crinkles at the corner of her eyes, and her laugh itself was adorable (and strangely attractive).

Once she'd stopped laughing, she looked at him, a few giggles still spilling out. "Thanks for the tissue. And the hug, I really needed that." She copied him, sitting crosslegged on the bench so she could talk to him without getting a crick in her neck.

"Welcome." He cleared his throat, debating his next words. Gently taking both of her hands in his, he stroked the back of her hands with his thumbs. "Jocelyn, what you said before, about Jonathan...he is not your fault. You couldn't have known what Valentine was doing, he drugged you and experimented on you and _it is not your fault_."

"Still feels like my fault." She pulled her hands out of his, sighing. "I just...everything is a lot to take in and I feel very heavy right now." She groaned, annoyed with herself for not saying the right words. "Shit, that doesn't make any sense, I mean I just feel very weighed down and it's hard to move." She looked at him, twisting her hands together in frustration. "Is this making any sense at all or am I talking nonsense?"

"No, I get what you mean. C'mere." He held his arms out to her and she leaned into him again, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head on his shoulder, feeling his breath on the back of her neck as he tucked his head into it, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Is this for you, or for me?" She tried to adjust herself so she wasn't practically on his lap; Shadowhunters seeing that would not be good for either of them.

"For me. And hopefully for you too, but I've just really really _missed_ you. And I'm going to help you adjust to everything. I know it must be hard, finding out Jonathan's alive and then what happened to Simon. I should have told Clary not to tell you everything too fast but I figured she'd probably know not to do that. But then I remembered it's Clary we're talking about, and by the time I'd gotten to you she'd already told you about Jonathan. Simon coming in was just bad timing."

"It's okay, I was going to find out eventually. Better from Clary than Aldertree. And I missed you too." She closed her eyes, breathing him in. "Having you here really helps."

He pulled back to look at her, keeping his arms around her. "Yeah? How so?"

She leaned closer to him, positioning her hands on his shoulders to keep herself from falling into his lap (she wanted the semblance of privacy at least). "You keep me grounded. When Clary told me about Jonathan being alive, I just kept thinking back to how I saw him burn. I was starting to panic when you came and just seeing you and touching you helped calm me down."

"Oh. Well I'm glad I could help." He could feel himself start to blush; he liked knowing that he was a kind of anchor for her.

She grinned when she saw the affect her words had on him. "You're cute when you blush."

Predictably, that only made it worse. "You always say that."

"Only cause it's true."

He ducked his head help to calm his blushing, waiting till he was mostly back to normal before looking at her.

"So, is there anything else that I don't know yet?" Hopefully he'd tell her about being the Alpha and she wouldn't have to drag it out of him.

 _Shit_ , he hadn't wanted her to find out about his new Alpha status from strangers. "Yeah, but going off how you said that I'm guessing you already know."

"If you're referring to you being the Alpha of the New York werewolf pack, you would be right. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to overwhelm you. You'd just woken up, and I wanted to give you time to adjust before telling you." He paused, before deciding to just get it over with. "How'd you find out?"

She'd figured that's why he didn't tell her. "I appreciate you wanting to give me time to adjust, but I would have liked to learn it from you than from overhearing Shadowhunters refer to you as the New York Alpha." She sighed, rubbing his shoulders gently. "What changed that made you decide to become the Alpha? You _promised_ me when you joined the pack that you'd keep your head down and not draw too much attention to yourself." It had to be important for him to break that promise.

He leaned into her touch. "Clary. I know I promised you I'd lay low, but I _also_ promised you I'd protect Clary with my life, and my old pack leader wanted the Cup, thought she had it, or at least knew where it was. He was about to attack her and Simon and their friends. I reacted instinctively, didn't even realize what it meant till it was done."

As soon as she heard that it was for their daughter, she felt a surge of love for him that only grew as he told her the whole story, and she really wanted to kiss him. But now wasn't the time and she didn't want the other Shadowhunters watching and judging. "I love you. I really, really love you, and I love you for protecting her and Simon." She hugged him, nuzzling into his neck.

"Love you too." It didn't feel any different, saying that to her. He'd thought it would, that it would mean more now that he could say it with his romantic love behind it, but it didn't. Still felt as comfortable as it always had.

After a few moments she forced herself to pull back, looking at him. "You're okay though, right? I know Alpha bites are poisonous, and obviously you're okay cause you're still alive, but who fixed you up? And did they use antiseptic?"

 _God_ , he'd missed her worrying over him. "I'm fine. Magnus healed me, and I'm pretty sure he used some kind of cleaning magic." He smiled, trying to put her at ease.

She leaned back, smoothing out his shirt. "Good. Where was the bite?"

He gently took hold of one of her hands, placing it over where the bite had been on his chest. "There." He rested his hand lightly on top of hers.

She stared at their hands, the weight of what this was hitting her. "How close were you?"

"To what?"

"To dying. How close were you?" She looked at him, feeling his hand leave hers. She had to know, if she'd almost lost him she had to know.

"Close. I could feel myself slipping away, then Magnus did something and I was back."

She nodded, swallowing hard and trying to fight back tears. The thought of him dying was painful in itself, but to wake up to him being dead? That was too much to bear. "I'm really glad you didn't die."

"Me too." He cupped her face gently with both hands, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs and he could see she was trying not to cry. "I'm alright, Joss. I'm not going to leave you anytime soon."

"Better not. Clary needs you, and I need you and-" she cut herself off, taking a few deep breaths and blinking rapidly to keep the tears at bay. "I wouldn't survive it. I know I wouldn't, you're a part of me and I can't lose you."

"Right back at you."

She chuckled, shaking her head a little and tugging his hands off her face, holding them in hers. Knowing that she wasn't the only one with semi-unhealthy codependency was comforting, in a way.

She cleared her throat, trying to get the almost-crying sound out. "Are you okay though? Emotionally, I mean. I don't know if you've had anyone to talk to through all this, and you almost _died_. How are you feeling about that? And everything else that's happened?"

"I should be asking you that, you're the one who just got kidnapped. But to answer your question...I'm better now that you're safe."

"I'm going to need more detail than that."

"I know, and once the lockdown is lifted and we get out of here, I'll give it to you."

She winced, almost afraid to ask. "How bad is the apartment? Did the fire make it unlivable?"

He sighed, nodding. "Unfortunately, yes. I went back and took everything that might lead anyone Clary. I also took all her artwork, the photo albums and all the photos I saw. They're in my storage locker."

"Oh my god, I didn't even think about the pictures! Thank you so much, I would have hated losing them." 

"Welcome. I kept one for my desk, hope you don't mind."

"Which one?"

"That one of the three of us in front of that huge flower bush? I think it was during our failed attempt at hiking 2 years ago."

She laughed, remembering. "Oh god, that was the worst idea ever! Why did we do that again?"

"I'm pretty sure it's cause we both thought a family hiking day would be good for exercise?" He remembered they'd all headed back to his car after 3 hours, it was too much and the hills were too steep.

"Yeah, that was a mistake. The picture turned out really great though."

He nodded. "It's one of my favorite pictures of all of us."

"Mine too." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, deciding to just ask him. "So...when the lockdown's over...want to get a hotel room or something?"

Was she implying what he thinks she's implying? "Joss...you just got out of your coma, I don't think sex-"

"No, I didn't mean it like that!" Her face was burning, she hadn't realized how that sounded, and _oh shit_ , that sounds like she doesn't want him at all. "Not that I don't want that, I do absolutely want that. Just not now. I'm not really in the right headspace yet."

"Oh. I shouldn't have assumed-"

"No, it's okay, it was a bad choice of words."

"Still, I don't want you to feel pressured into anything. I'm fine with whatever pace you want to go at."

"Trust me, I don't feel pressured. But thank you for the reminder."

"Welcome. But what did you mean by hotel room then?"

"I just meant that I'm effectively homeless and I need a hotel room. And I don't want to be alone tonight, so I thought you could join me."

"Hold on, you are not homeless, okay? I assumed you and Clary would come live with me. She already has a room at my place, there's room enough for all of us. If you want to, of course. Or you could stay here."

"No way in hell would I choose to live here over living with you."

He chuckled at her response. "I take it that's a yes then?"

"Yeah. Though before we go home, we have to stop by a store and get shampoo, conditioner and soap cause I _need_ to take a bath as soon as possible."

"I thought you already did?" He'd assumed she had cause she'd changed.

"No, I just borrowed this shirt from someone."

"Oh. Well then we'll make a stop before home." He smiled, loving that home now meant their home.

"Speaking of home, you've been sleeping, right? You can't survive off coffee and adrenaline, and-"

He cut her off. "Yes, I've been sleeping." Not very much, but it's happened. "You don't need to worry about that, I'm fine. How are you holding up?" He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the possibility of the answer he really didn't want to hear. "Did Valentine hurt you?"

She shook her head, able to tell what he was tiptoeing around. "He didn't rape me, if that's what you mean. Only thing that he did that hurt me physically was when he carved the Circle rune into my neck. He mainly just held my hand, talked about our marriage a lot. How much I'd loved him." She shivered, closing her eyes briefly. "It was awful. Hearing him talk about our marriage like it was this happy amazing thing, and not being able to say anything against it was torture." _'Torture? You call that torture? That's nothing compared to what he's done to so many other people! How pathetic are you?!?'_

He nodded, listening, not sure what to say to that. He couldn't imagine what that must have been like for her, being powerless and trapped in her body, unable to say anything to counter Valentine's view of their marriage. Just thinking about it made him sick; he remembered what Val had been like, how manipulative he could be.

"I...I heard him kill Dot. She was talking to me about Clary, and then there was a loud crash. I heard Val say something to her, she started screaming and then she just...stopped. And I couldn't do anything except listen to it happen." _'Can't even cry over her, don't have the energy'_

"I can't imagine what that was like for you. I know how close she was with you and Clary." He hadn't really known her all that well, but she'd kept Clary and Jocelyn safe, and he'd forever be grateful to her for that.

"Yeah. I miss her _so much_." She nearly jumped out of her skin when an alarm started blaring, squeezing Luke's hand hard. "Shit! What the fuck is that?!?" Then she realized how hard she was holding his hand and loosened up. "Sorry."

"It's fine, no harm done. Maybe it's another meeting?" He let go of her hand, reaching under their bench and putting his shoulder holster on.

"We should probably go then." She waited until he'd put his holster on before standing up, grabbing his hand and letting him walk ahead of her as they hurried to the main hall. _'I hope this means the lockdown is over, I just want to get out of this Institute and be alone with Luke, maybe that will help me make sense of everything'_

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always welcome and appreciated!


End file.
